Art is my everything, and I don’t mean this jokingly. It’s my only redeeming quality. I don’t have any other notable skills. My parents are always telling me I’m smart, but I’m just average intelligence. The only thing worth noticing about me is that I’m always drawing, whether digitally or just in my sketchbook, which carry everywhere.
Despite it being my best feature though, I get so little support from my family. I’ve never taken and special art classes, and I only took one year of art in high school. I had to basically teach myself and draw all the time to get even remotely close to the skill level I’ve got.
My family doesn’t seem to get that. I could go to them right now and show them the most extravagant sketch that I could muster up without any references and stuff, and they’d just go, “Yeah, sweetheart, that’s nice.” Or if I ask my sister what she thinks she’d give me a blank stare and go back to doing what she was doing.
Of course, when they’re talking to other people, like aunts, uncles, friends, and such, they’ll go on and on about how I’m an amazing artist. They find it so easy to say that to others, but just can’t seem to let me know and it frustrates me.
That’s the main reason I started posting art online. I wanted feedback, I wanted people to finally tell me if I was really any good or not. Cause let’s face it, a bunch of country hick relatives aren’t really art savvy.
When I first started I would get so happy if someone even faved my art, and if they commented it would just make my whole day, and I still feel that way. If a pic didn’t get any comments or faves I’d blame myself, and try to improve.
Gradually, I started to get better and better at my art and I’d get so many faves and comments, and everything was just amazing. Coming online and seeing all the feedback made me feel like I was finally getting somewhere with my art. The one thing I was good at was finally getting noticed.
I’m not sure why, maybe it’s because I haven’t really improved my art much lately, well not noticeably anyway, but that high point that I was at just seems to be falling. I still get several faves and a few comments every once in awhile, but just not as many I used to.
Like I said it’s probably mainly my fault, but a part of me also wants to blame others too. I feel like after I started up that last chibi button request list, and started taking commissions instead, that people stopped talking to me. Like, they got what they wanted from me and just decided that that was it.
I hope that’s not it, and I really hope this is just a faze that I have to get through in order to better myself, but I’ve got a really low self-esteem as it is so... Idk, I really feel like giving up a majority of the time these days *sigh* It’s not worth this uphill battle I’ve been facing.